I know I can't be the only mom, wife or woman guilty of this. Micro-Managing. This is often why women don't make good bosses, supervisors etc (well that's another story back on point). Often times we get so pissed at our mates for "not doing enough" (aka not trying to be super like us), we get pissed because they don't help with the kids, the chores, etc.
Super example, my husband and I had a discussion some months back about him cooking and doing some other housework on Sundays to give me a break. Things where going well until he didn't cook one day as fast as I wanted him to and I broke the agreement. Notice I broke the agreement, he didn't say he wasn't going to cook, he just didn't do it when I wanted him too. So know fast forward, I'm pissed because I "have" to cook everyday, but get this I don't. I'm the one that changed the "rules of engagement" not him. My husband has learned after 11 years of marriage that I am some what of a control freak. So he doesn't agrue with me, when I get into one of those "moods" he just lets me be. Then when I come back to my senses he picks right back up where we left off (thank God one of us is mentally stable lol).
So today's lesson is "Don't be Super unless absolutaly neccessary" So often we as women stress our own damn selfs out. We complain about cleaing the house, well if you have children over the age of 2 then you should have a helper. Stop saying "it'll take me too long to teach you I'll do it myself" how else do you expect the babies to learn? Start having them help you, assign them specific chores that you know they can do with little to no assistance, once their confidence is built, go on from there. It might take a while to set up but TRUST ME life will be easier for you.
*This one is for me, if it helps you too great* Many of us have GREAT mates that are willing to move heaven and earth for us but we as women won't let them because, "he not doing it when I want him too" You know what rushing does for a man....nothing, absolutely nothing, it doesn't make him move faster but slower. My husband put the concept to me best one time, "if I did whatever you wanted, whenever you wanted , you wouldn't respect me, I'm my own person I'm not you" and how true that is, if he jumped whenever I asked I truly would look at him like a punk, to me at least. I like a little 'pull' I like a little 'resistance'.
Allow your mate to do things in their own time, they are NOT going to do them like you or when you do them but they will get it done. No need to nag, yell, or walk around with an attitude. Let you mate help consistently, half of my problem is that I always get "super" because he's not doing it when I want him to then when I get overwhelmed I'm begging for help. If he was doing this consistently, then I would be less frustrated and he would be less confused.
Allow yourself to accept help. When he asked can I help with anything around the house, don't smack your lips, roll your eyes then say no, like he is supposed to read your body language to read "of course". Remember my first post men are literal you have to say what you want. Even if he doesn't ask if you need assistance ask, stop going around the house pissed off huffing and puffing because you're doing a task by yourself that you don't have to be doing by yourself, you're just too damn stubborn to ask.
Well everyone I'm off to ask my husband to start taking over Sunday meals again. :-) Hopefully this time I'm smart enough to allow him to continue (because he really is a kick ass cook).
Until Next Time
Peace, Love & Charm
Charmaine
*Homework assignment for the week: Find an area that you need to let go of and allow someone else to handle. Allow that person to do that task to the best of their ability not yours. Letting go will allow you to maintain some sort of sanity.*
*"If you don't love yourself, how in the hell you gone love somebody else?" ~ RuPaul*
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